Do I Dare Tell Them?

After all this mess of appointments, fear, chaos and research, I can't help but reflect back on my life...how I've treated my body pre-pregnancy. And how it has made me think about life. What "life" is all about. The quality of life, the meaning of life...why we are even here on this earth for crying out loud??!! God?? Are you sure about this one?? lol...and even better thinking about all the horrible and amazing people I have encountered - both of which have made me who I am. Today I got a call from my BCW "service coordinator" Robin. Not to brag, but  the 'Babies Can't Wait' program here in Fulton County are serious angels...like a flock of dang angels! I have not spoken to one woman from BCW that hasn't touched my heart in some way. 

To the point! Robin called and asked if her and Carey, our new therapy "specialist" could stop by to discuss how much time we have with Wyatt over the next few months and the approach Carey is going to take with him until the day before his 3rd birthday when he is "released" into the care of the public school system.

Again, I was overjoyed when they showed up...partly because when they called I looked like "when death becomes her." ...and I had been running franticly for 1.5 hours throwing "debris" into my closet and bathtub, doing dishes, putting on makeup, vacuuming and trying to light candles to mask the two poopie diapers I had already changed that morning, thank you Wyatt :) (you know you do that when unexpected guests come!)...also when you live in a one/one if you take your shoes off in the living room your house looks a mess. I called C and he rushed home too. (I am very proud of how he has made a point to be apart of this whole process)

Once we all introduced ourselves I then explained Wyatt's "history." C and I have grown accustomed to playing a "tag-team game" if you will. I start with birth complications...he adds on the first year progressions, I chime in about how intelligent W is, then we both end on his regression of our concerns about his future, how we have been trying to sign to him for months now and  how lost we feel about communicating with him. I used to cry at every single sit down with a doc or therapist, I've gotten stronger...snaps for Steph, haha.


The specialists takes notes through all of our speaking. Then I handed her a binder which I have made of literally every piece of paper I could gather having to do with Wyatt's complete doctor write up at birth, while he was in the NICU, all of his immunizations, his first speech analysis, every name and number of every doctor and therapist he has seen etc. and now of course we have gathered much more info this month from tests and results, some of these "write ups" are 10 pages long, but none the less they are in the binder and useful for anyone thats on Wyatt's team. (I've listed all items in chronological order) *On a side note, I have taken notes from books I've read of questions to ask certain doctors, therapists and specialists...such as What certifications do you have? What are your approaches to At Home Therapy? How long have you been doing this? 

I usually try to let the therapists say as much as they can. I have been very pleased with "Babies Can't Wait" not only because of their years of experience, but I feel like they have seen so many "cases." 


But the biggest reason I am blogging tonight is to mention a VERY interesting point Carey made to me that I had never thought of. Although what I am about to say may sound like common sense, to us worried moms it is not. As women we are the shiz at multi-tasking...making dinner, talking on the phone, answering emails, while feeding our babies, folding laundry meanwhile making a mental list of what needs to get done tomorrow!...so now-a-days I'm not positive I even have any more common sense?! Just kidding...kind of...okay not really.  

When Carey asked me if I thought about daycare, I stopped and said...well yes, but the last School I called, when I told them Wyatt was in the process of being tested for ASD and I was nervous about how he would adapt to keeping up with other kids his age and if they accept children like them or have ever had a child similar to him, the Director of the school changed her whole attitude and said: "well...Mrs. Waltrip...I see your concerns...hmmm, I mean, we won't turn away any child, but from mother to mother I think you are taking the right steps and maybe school isn't for him right now..." 

When I told Carey this at first she was furious at director's response...which made me feel better because my husband didn't understand why I was so upset at her response, but as Carey explained it's her lack of knowledge with the Autism Spectrum that makes them want to veer away from children like Wyatt...Chad started to understand. 

Then Carey explained to me, "Stephanie, stop for a second and take your feelings out of the equation. What does Wyatt really need? He needs to see examples from little people like him. However we are not going to be dishonest, but once we tour a few daycares and when we find the right fit, we are not going to tell them about Wyatt's condition. Stephanie, we want your Wyatt to be treated fairly. They can think whatever they want about him, but ultimately let's let him go for 30 days, we can start at 2 days a week and go from there." When she said this I felt horrible...and relieved! I have been so worried about how others look at Wyatt...people have said, "How old is he?! He's huge and he still has a passy? Shame on you mom for not weening him off of that!?" or..."Wow, he's a big boy and he's not talking?" While these comments may be true, they still hurt me to the core...ha, and I thought it hurt when people said hateful things when I was Miss South Carolina USA!!! LOL!-doesn't even compare! 

I thought hard about what she said and it made sense! I need to develop thick skin, get over it, and put Wyatt in a classroom with other children. I really do think this paired with occupational and speech therapy, we can move mountains. I don't know if me even elaborating on this will help anyone out there, but I'm sure there is a mom like me that doesn't want to make my son or myself vulnerable to more strange looks or questions.  However, after hearing Carey, not only spill statistics but proof over her 30 years of experience, we are now in the process of looking at a few daycares in the Atlanta area.....C and I are very excited :) 

I didn't mention last night on my blog that we have started giving Wyatt Omega-3's and Omega-6's. We are giving him lemon flavored Cod-liver oil when he wakes and before bed. We are also giving him Prim Rose Oil morning and night along with removing almost all dairy and removing all gluten. We started this 5 weeks ago, (and we have NOT started any therapy yet) but Wyatt just started saying Mama and Dada again...we are so moved by his progress from only a change in diet!...to be specific though, we do not think he is saying it in the right context, but the fact that he is using two separate consonances is a huge step in the right direction!

To touch base with what I mentioned about Lifes' meaning in the beginning, I have started to rearrange all thoughts with our existence...or at least my thoughts and reasoning...

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma-which is living with the results of others people's thinking. Dont' let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voise. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition." -Steve Jobs

Getting the Letter.

 

the little bun in the oven.

I won't make this post too long. Honestly, because it's hard right now to even type it---but I made a commitment to myself to write this daily, good days, bad days, sad days...anyday. I also made a commitment to this bottle of merlot next to me that I will drink it while I type...

Before I start I again want to simply say: I am a 26 year old mom/wife with my 29 year old husband raising our first son. We are not perfect and I know that by me writing a blog I am also opening myself to critisism. I am not new to critisism. I do however request any negative comments be saved to say openly to yourself or your friend and not typed and posted on this blog. This is our life, our way of parenting, my inner thoughts and demons and outlook on all/any situations that God may lay before us. So thank you for respecting that :) I am always open to uplifting words of advice, prayers and positive encouragement...as I believe we should all be to each other anyway.

Wyatt around a year

My mother was the first to bring it to my attention that she thinks we should look further into Wyatt's social capabilities (aka she hinted towards autism.) I was furious. I was mostly furious, because this thought had been creeping in my mind for at least 3 months. At Wyatts one year I felt he was progressing as a normal growing boy. Very tall, (of course insanely handsome ;) haha...wonderful eating palate, active, and best of all affectionate and happy. He was waving, saying mama, dada, trying to say bye-bye and at one point we are pretty positive we heard him say baby! But after Christmas of 2012 he stopped talking. Everything stopped. Babbling, words...even eye contact with other people and responding to his name. 

                                  Around his 2nd round of immunizations


It's hard as a parent because naturally we look inward. Where did I go wrong? What did I feed him? Whats wrong with me? How did I do this to my child? Watching this regression has been devastating to say it lightly. 

After 2 weeks of silently being angry at my mother for even mentioning such a thing I personally started doing my own research, spoke to C...who was also very unconvinced. I dont think any parent, especially a father of his first son wants to hear anything like our son is "special." 

But over a course of 2 months I spoke to my mother and started to explore this observation may be accurate. The next question was where the hell do I go? I asked his first pediatrician in South Florida who did NOT take me seriously at all. She wanted me to wait until he was 3 to take any action. I regret listening to her. (I asked her this when Wyatt was 1 1/2) Then, My mom mentioned she had a few resourceful friends in the education system who mentioned the "Babies Can't Wait" program. 

Chad had just recieved wonderful news that he was going to be taken off the road and working at IST Management Corporate location - in Atlanta, Ga! We were thrilled! We would finally feel like a family again! I know Wyatt missed his Dad and I missed him too. This however did delay any process of getting Wyatt the proper "treatmeant" or whatever I was to do to see if our thoughts were leading in any accurate direction. I was clueless.

Last October before we were even living in GA, I called Fulton County GA's "Babies Can't Wait" program - this is a government funded program that helps give parents a direction with their child and they offer a small amount of therapy for whatever the childs condition is until the public school system takes over when they turn 3. The first thing I was devistated to hear is that they only do ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) preventative work until the age of three, so I lost so many months because I did NOT trust my gut! I also needed to find a GA pediatrician to express Wyatt's needs and my concerns to receive a written script of recommendation for a speech evaluation and an occupational therapy eval - (hearing was also highly recommended). Before we moved to GA I also heard wonderful things about the Marcus Autism Center. I called to get Wyatt an appointment (there was a 3 month wait) for his first evaluation.

summer 2013

We finally moved to the wonderful Inman Park (Little Five Points area) of Atlanta in the beginning of December. Chad and I aren't new to moving (Wyatt either) - but either way moving is exciting, exhausting and overall sucks. I also had a wonderful job lined up for myself working at an amazing salon...I could not bare the thought of going to work knowing Wyatt might have a severe learning disability and suffer in a new school where he is no where near up to par with children his age, also frustrating the teachers with his unwillingness to listen or follow other children (Wyatt does not play with other children his age). I still have not started work.

Since moving here we have enjoyed this area tremendously..Chad and I love the "small apartment living" we have committed too...Ultimately saving money by living in the city where Chad has a 10 minute commute (while most ATL. workers have an hour or more) and cutting down to essentials. I should add Chad got this motivation from a guy he found online Graham Hill. He did a great speech on his life and evolution to simplifying his life to basic needs. This has helped our life in so many ways, especially now. 

December and January have been filled with doctors appointments, assessments, tests...anxiety...on my end, a bit of depression...on Chads end, I think alot of pressure...our families and friends have been so wonderful, concerened, caring, loving...and always willing to listen.

After our first appointment with the pediatrician I voiced my concern about Wyatt and how I feel immunizations may have played a serious role in this turn of regression. (yes I did alot of research about Jenny McCarthy, and many other doctors associated with like minded thinking.) The doctor was not too concerned with his diet. I was not satisfied with her explanation, so I took a step further to see a Holistic MD here in Atl. that works with children, and autism cases. (That was also a 2 month wait....by the grace of God we got in a month early)  However I do have to keep our first Ped. because she writes scripts for us to see speech therapists and occupational therapists...I'm sure you can imagine how expensive this is getting.

Our Holistic MD gave us a very detailed and wonderful scenario as to what may have caused this with Wyatt. Between Chad and my hereditary history facts and traits (not all great...hey we can't choose family ;) Wyatt may have been born with an intestinal fungus (which is a common thing). However today we are vaccinating our children VERY early and too many vaccines at one time...these vaccines then activate the fungus causing it to leak and spread to his brain, causing a blockage to his brain. This prevents him from learning at the accurate rate. While this was hard to hear, her explanation made more sense to us than "he was born with it, deal with it." 

While we don't feel like Wyatt was born completely this way  (because he was progressing like a normal child, then after all vaccinations stopped making progress altogether) we are aware that there are many autistic children that are born this way, and they have a different road to approach than us. I am NOT saying do not vaccinate your child. I suggest spreading vaccinations out quite a bit. We have run many tests on Wyatt to find what he may be allergic to and tests to see how his internal organs function with what foods, oils he is given. We are anxious to get the results. Right now we are literally willing to explore all options to see what we can do to make his body healthy as possible as well as get him the therapy he needs to adapt and thrive in this educational world while enhancing his natural born talents, we have a very smart and happy child on our hands :).

MLK Day 2014

Meanwhile we have been meeting with "Babies Can't Wait" we were just assigned our first "service coordinator" and "specialist" to work with Wyatt weekly. We are very excited about this. We also just saw Wyatts psychologist and had his official Austism testing completed.

I am writing this long...and probably very confusing blog today because I have been an emotional mess. We received via email the break down of his testing from the psychologist. I think as a mom you know in your heart the answers but pray for a miracle or for it to look prettier and kinder on paper. Before I spill a few more feelings, I want to say C and I love Wyatt more than life itself. We are blown away by his talents, personality and sense of humor daily. We will continue to love and support him forever and gladly encouraging the person God has made him to be. I think its difficult though for any parent to venture into the unknown, especially because now we are finding this "autism spectrum disorder" is just now being taken seriously....and people still do not have alot of evidence about what works best, what causes it, all the degress of it...so on and so forth. For us to get to this point of answers has been a struggle. Not to mention the demand of money for us to spend and demand for psycologists and special schools for these children.  For an average income family it is sad the lack of support we feel these children have. Yet, We are so impressed by these families that have thrived taking the journey alone (in the early autism years)...standing up for their "different" child as we are doing for our Wyatt. I sometimes feel as if I am literally feeling my way through the dark, and pray for a big sign from God. He has given us some serious angels this month with a wealth of knowlegde that I will try to share as often as I can on this blog. 

Wyatt on Christmas day

As I read through a very descriptive breakdown of Wyatt's Development Evaluation to find his Adaptive Behavior, Social- Emotional, Cognitive and Communication Development is equal to a 6-9 month old it is in fact heartbreaking. But we are choosing to see all the positives in Wyatt and latch onto his strengths. He's an amazing artist, and loves to be outside. I am creating a schedule to fit these needs while teaching him the essentials of how to care for himself...I will start here. This is how I will approach teaching him in this next month and try to record any progress. 

                                    Wyatt eating by himself! A huge accomplishment, and painting something he is liking right now.



Through this process I have taken notes, read many books and have observed Wyatts likes and dislikes...I know this will be an exciting journey for all of us, I know God has reasons for everything, and I know he is okay if I cry a bit to get through it all. 

                   all pics before appointments


Please feel free to make any posts, ask any questions, I am happy to answer as many as I can, thanks for reading :)

Choosing the Happy

Before Wyatt...before Chad...before thoughts of either, I was a serious dreamer....seriously delusional at times. I thank god everyday for giving me such forgiving and patient parents....my mom has heard it all come out of my mouth...and I'm only her first of 4! But it is truly amazing as to how quickly our dreams have a choice of turning into a path of reality or a path of "realization..??" 






I can admit I've done some very cool things in my life. I attribute that yet again to my encouraging family--they always smiled and acted like everything I said was possible, and some I did make possible...but now I look and laugh at how the "simplest dream" like waking up happy and healthy everyday can sometimes be the hardest.

It can be incredibly hard to be "happy." I'm writing this because as some of you know my husband and I are both Leos...(strong, creative, exciting, likable.....also, egocentric, stubborn, quick tempered....you get the point) try not to be too hard on us. Us Leos are hard enough on ourselves.....we are perfectionists you see.....all in our own way.

               One of my many faces towards Chad on "The Race" 


Chad and I have some of the same life problems, given through our day we live pretty different lives. Yes, we sleep in the same bed, share some of the same dreams, the same son and sometimes share dinner. But he is a Corporate Business Man, I right now stay home with Wyatt-while picking up a freelance clientele in Atlanta and exploring Wyatt's new ventures. Our jobs are nothing alike! We are so alike as people, but our approach to how we handle our feelings and being "happy" is soo incredibly different. Did anyone every get this warning label loud and clear before marriage? Hey, marriage is the best thing thats ever happened to you....but watch out it bites....and claws...and its also the hardest most exhausting beast ever--but the love is still there.....right?..I have grown to understand (and know I have a long way to go) that love is a choice. Just as happiness is a very clear and defined choice.


C and I have been together 4 years and still have problems with normal day to day things, but we have started reading a book for married christians (I know this sounds corny).....I already told you Im a self help nerd. It has worked. It's worked in a way of helping now more than ever , choosing happiness everyday....to choose to see happy things in Chad, help him see the happy things in him...happy things about Wyatt and most of all happy things about myself. I think choosing happiness everyday leads to great things...like those childhood dreams possibly creeping a way back into your life, maybe one day surfacing and giving birth to the idea that with the right mind you could have done "it" all along.

 Be Happy.

          Life is too short and too sweet not to be happy in every moment.

                Chad and his mom. (Joy Layne Jan 5 1960- May 3 2003)

                            Wyatt Layne

NOT trying to be perfect anymore!

Lay aside the old self....Be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new self (Ephesians 4:22-24)

In a strange way today has been the polar opposite of yesterday. Yesterday I woke up with a feeling of defeat.....like I had the wonderful ideas, but everything was stopping me. Today I woke up feeling like ....I was capable. Capable of anything....and for the word PERFECTION not be included in anything I do. I look back at my life (I am aware I am still young) ...but come on 26 is a while, right? Anyway, I was thinking about all the ideas I've dreamt up in my head...some dumb ...some crazy.....and some crazy good. But instead, I let fear of what others think, fear of plain judgement of myself....phrases like, "Stephanie, you're just not good enough at that.." or " Steph, everyone will think you are ridiculous!" And now that I look at where I am at with my life and what I have already done, I think well damn, I don't care what anyone thinks and I am literally going to hate myself if I don't do this!!!!!!! So just do it damn-it!! ....and most importantly stop waiting for every thing to be perfect before you start your "perfect" idea.

Cheers to a great Saturday ! (this is a weekend tradition, mimosas! )

 Right now, Wyatt is napping (thank goodness) Chad is an angel and putting together a dresser and few other odds and ends we picked up at IKEA today, I was straitening up the house and helping Chad when I had to run to the Mac and start typing. My mother and other wise people have told me for years to journal....instead I wrote songs. Unfortunately I cant read or write music...so we will call it poetry for now, sits in a box buried in other memorabilia. But, logging....blogging or journal would have been so much better!  



So I blog today with a happy spirit because I started watching the show Parenthood with Chad (all my friends know we haven't had cable in years) I don't feel like I've had time for tv....OK! TRUTH TIME: I have a very addictive personality!! and I cant stand for my heart to be broken again when a show like....oh I don't know, FRIENDS decides they just want to stop airing!!!...yes I own every season, and for the record, I cried the last episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER too!....So I am willingly setting myself up for heartbreak again, but so far it has been worth it :) 


Chad and I have also accomplished a few family goal decisions having to do with Wyatt's future....soon to come. We have also wrapped up some major projects to finish our Atlanta one/one apartment! ....Ill try to use this blog to post pics I have never posted on facebook or instagram... I have many :) 

One of the fun things I catch Wy doing....taking a bath when we are literally trying to walk out the door!

Entertaining mommy while shopping 

FIRST Blog in a Year!...Story of "THE Beginning"

Let me first start by saying this is the 3rd time I have typed this and I'm hoping the last (all others were suddenly deleted)  .......does it ever feel like something evil is literally
 always standing in your way of you doing something good?

Today has been one of these days. ....I might mention, this is the "first blog" that I have done in one year . (no judgement, its been a long year- I cannot have this excuse anymore though.) This is the beginning of what I believe will be a  very special and unique journey my husband and I will be taking with our 2 year old son Wyatt, who has just been diagnosed with Autism. Obviously we did not know this a year ago when I started this blog....and oh how I wish I would have been blogging then ...or journaling... or whatever. 

I do want to put out there though, for anyone/everyone that reads any of my writing should know that I do write how I speak. It is not perfect, nor am I trying to be...I do want to be real with our life and journey ...my journey as a wife...young woman also attempting to be the best/coolest/thriftiest/influential mom I can be, while maintaining my own morals and identity(something I always have thought is important). I will probably write, ramble, possible brag and complain on this blog....again, this blog is selfishly more for me to record everything.... learning in this process of life and Wyatt's journey :) 
....Yes, I will be posting makeup and hair fun here too , yay cant wait! but......

I think should start by introducing Chad and myself and "our start" before we became a family....



Chad and I (both Leo's....very scary at times) met when we were working for the same company in South Florida (IST Management-a wonderful company he still works for!)  , for better words---I was not looking for anyone, but yes God sent him to me...and I knew this was it.

 To flash forward 3 months I moved in with him and his room-mate in his condo in Hollywood, Florida.....I miss that place and those moments all the time (ahhhh the "newness" of a relationship, haha...also before kids)  I then decided to leave sales and do what I do best. Hair and Makeup....meanwhile, we then thought we were so smart by buying a "fixer-upper" rather than renting!!! Aren't we so cute and naive? This was around April 2010.  

While we were in the middle of closing on our first house in Fort Lauderdale we got casted to be on the CBS tv show "The Amazing Race Season 17" (with viewer discretion advised)....I should also mention I was Miss South Carolina USA 2009 and attempted to be on "The Race" with my best friend Miss Maine USA 2009, Ashley Underwood--we made alternates...however she made it on Survivor!!!(yes, she is amazing....more about her and all my awesome girlfriends soon.)

April 2010 we close on the house, and that same week leave for the taping of "The Race"  We travel the entire globe ..... ( I will have a few blogs explaining our adventures in as much detail as possible.) and we get back in June 2010 to a messy unpacked house--- so we head up to Orlando to be with family and buy the first addition to our family! Our baby Chinese pug Penelope!

 Next thing I know, I am at my first Florida Gators game that fall to find out I am pregnant! So we get back home and do the normal thing first time parents do.....

1. When should we get married? 
2. We need a new roof dont we? 
3. Holy crap are we having a baby!????

We decided to get married 2 months later in Ponte Vedra Florida, the most perfect wedding that Chads Aunts/Uncle and Family put together (I have the best inlaws ever.) ...and the best family and friends, all of my favorite people in the world did not complain or ask any questions, everyone came with such short notice.. ... and it was a very small wedding. Happiest woman alive in this picture (also 3 months pregnant).

On the way home from the wedding we had at least 10 phone interviews...one of which was for People Magazine! Crazy, huh? That's because "The Amazing Race" just started airing, and Chad proposed to me in Oman on the race!..... believe me when I say Chad and I were living a real life race.....and 2010 was surreal.

All was a "morning sickness" fog until May 31 2011 when we met sweet Wyatt Layne, who is my biggest inspiration for this blog. A lot has happened since we have had him, but now we find ourselves becoming settled in Atlanta, Georgia. Chad recieved an amazing promotion with IST Management and I have decided to stay home with Wyatt as we unravle this journey through ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) testing and therapies. I will also be freelancing with my biggest passion hair and makeup with my company, Swashbuckle & Row.  We know Atlanta is a place we plan on calling home forever. I am super excited to blog as much as possible...about randomly everything. Hope you enjoy.

One very messy room...and very pregnant me.

                

Our Wyatt in the NICU,  and at one month.

Flashing forward to this Christmas In Jacksonville with Grammy and Grampy. (he loves that pool)

This was after waking up in our new Atlanta apartment for the first time! (it was cold and we were tired, but still very excited )

Wyatt has adjusted to living here and is loving it so far :)